You know in Word and other word processors, that button you get that changes the case of the highlighted text. It rotates through lowercase, Initial Capitals, UPPERCASE and then, in my case, if you press F7, you can get SMALL CAPITALS too? Well Adam uses all of these in every sentence. Almost in every word. And it's got to stop.
It doesn’t come across in type as well, or as annoyingly, as it does in speech. But the wrong intonation makes it so hard to hear what people are saying. And so when he speaks all I hear is how he’s saying it, not the important things he’s saying. He also sounds so petulant. I mean what on earth does poor old patient abused Ian see in the grumpy, shouty, irritable Adam? And golly, when he and Kate were chatting the other day, they were both at it, capitals sprayed like confetti throughout. I got a headache. Especially as Kate sounded as though she had been on 20 a day for years, in training to become Dot Cotton I suppose.
Between you and me? He’s ruining it. What with his grouchy-ness and Ed’s habit of shouting when he could just say whatever it is he needs to get out, and Ruth. Don’t get me going on Ruth. I’ve always loathed her.
I worked in Northumberland for a while and used to reckon I was pretty cute on accents and so on, being able to distinguish between a Tynesider and a northern Northumbrian, so when I hear Ruth I said her accent was fake, Then I met her, and she talks just like that. Whiney and annoying.
I have a dream that Ed is going to fall back on the crack and it will disturb the balance of his already deeply disturbed mind. He’ll go on a bender with Jazzer, who I do quite like (yes, there are one or two that I’m really quite fond of, though thinking about it, Gill is most definitely not among them) and somehow get hold of chainsaw. And then shall vengeance be sown. Ruth will be first, a bloody and unfortunate death, but with an outcome that is so neat: freeing David to re-ignite the flames of passion with the estimable Sophie. And then Ed will proceed from Home Farm round to Adam and Ian’s. Ian will be spared, for his bacon sandwich abilities if nothing else, but Adam. Oh my, it will be a horrible and cruel end. His syntax will be disembowelled along with his, erm, bowels. With luck the shock will finally take off Gill. Who. Talks. As. If. Every. Sentence. Was. Punctutated. Thus.
In reality though Sam is going to get his leg over Ruth who will enjoy the ‘revenge’ shag with her trusty and lusty dairy-man while out of misplaced loyalty David will remain chaste, if frustrated, with Sophie. And then bloody Ruth will have reason squirm even more than she already does.
That’s so wrong. Give Ed the chainsaw, and do it now.
tum ti tum ti da da.
7 comments:
bugger 'other' too, I say.
and yes, in no particular order.
and we have a friend who plays a role in it with a distinct southern burr, but comes from London! Imagine!
it's always some 'other' bugger
I got out of the habit of listening to the Archers some months ago -you've compelled me to want to start again. I like Ed. I don't like Emma. I'd like to slap Shula for being a sanctimonious minny.
And when you do, Thurs, listen out for Adam. Petulant or what?!
And what's happened to Nigel. He got dull.
Lillian is my absolute favourite.
I used to fancy Shula, but i grew out of it.
I'm quite fond of them all really. I just find the bad acting spoils it. Top of my list is Adam (terrible on every level), Ed (who shouts when better breath and voice control is what's really required) and Gill (who always sounds exactly as if she is reading. Yes, I know she IS reading, but she's not supposed to sound as though she is). A lot of them are really really decent actors; most of them in fact. So the three or four poor ones really stand out.
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