Four minutes and 38 seconds

That's how long it took to get through to someone I didn't want to speak to.

All I was trying to do was make an appointment with the Doctor. I'm a bit worried that my left ear no longer appears to be operating.
"Easy," she said. "You need to ring the surgery and do it now, they'll see you today. Here's the number." And she placed a large note under my nose. "What" I said.
"Not funny." She said.
"Ring." She said.
"NOW." She said.
Oooer.
So I did.

'NeeNaw. The number you are dialling has changed to 08444...' etc etc etc.

So I rang the new number and listed to approximately three minutes of 'we are experiencing high call volumes at the Malthouse Practice please wait your call is important'. Finally a real voice answers
"Please may I make an appointment to see a Dr"
"Please hold while I try to connect you"
Try?
TRY?
My heart begins a slow descent.

"Hello, health visitor"
"Ahh. Mmmm." My heart descent accelerates.
"I just want to make an appointment to see the Dr"
"Oh, well I can't do that, and I don't know how to transfer you"
"New telephone system?"
"Yes"
"So now what do we do"
"You'll have to ring back"
"But it's taken me five minutes to get his far"
"Oh good, Please can you tell the practice manager"

'we are experiencing high call volumes at the Malthouse Practice please wait your call is important' 'we are experiencing high call volumes at the Malthouse Practice please wait your call is important' 'we are experiencing high call volumes at the Malthouse Practice please wait your call is important''we are experiencing high call volumes at the Malthouse Practice please wait your call is important' 'we are experiencing high call volumes at the Malthouse Practice please wait your call is important' 'we are experiencing high call volumes at the Malthouse Practice please wait your call is important' 'we are experiencing high call volumes at the Malthouse Practice please wait your call is important' 'we are experiencing high call volumes at the Malthouse Practice please wait your call is important' 'we are experiencing high call volumes at the Malthouse Practice please wait your call is important'

which (easily) le(a)d me to: this invaluable site where you can find the real ordinary telephone numbers hiding behind 08 numbers. Only the switch at the surgery is too recent.

But I do need to see the Dr. So wish me luck as I have one last try. Third time lucky, etc.

'we are experiencing high call volumes at the Malthouse Practice please wait your call is important' 'we are experiencing high call volumes at the Malthouse Practice please wait your call is important' 'we are experiencing high call volumes at the Malthouse Practice please wait your call is important' 'we are experiencing high call volumes at the Malthouse Practice please wait your call is important' 'we are experiencing high call volumes at the Malthouse Practice please wait your call is important' 'we are experiencing high call volumes at the Malthouse Practice please wait your call is important' [fade out]