A few days later the gentlemen with the thistle-down hair expressed a sudden desire to see a wolf hunt, something he had apparently not done for several centuries. There happened to be one going on in southern Sweden just then and so he instantly transported himself and Stephen to the place.and
As soon as the sport waned in one place, the gentleman carried himself and Stephen through the air by magic, to wherever it was likely to be better.If I told you that this was written by my 11 year old son as a composition for his English homework, you'd believe me and rightly dismiss it as the jottings of a child.
But, as some of you may recognise, it's from Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrel, a much hyped and even more vaunted first novel of excrutiating quality. These are two examples chosen more or less at random and come from the only page I was able to force down last night (p678), but I could have done the same thing from just about any page.
Now I realise I am treading on thin ice here. As a writer it is Not The Done Thing to critique another's work. But please. I am at a loss. Out there (sweeps arm in wide gesture) there are thousands of good writers trying to get their work published (no, not me), yet this child-like piffling, vacuous rubbish has been published seemingly unedited and uncut. What's more it is masquerading as the engaging work of a quality writer. It just isn't. I'd say it is the worst novel I have ever read. And I've read some stinkers. I mean worst in terms of writing ability, use of English and creativity. Its single idea is appallingly executed and any pretensions this may have had to being any good have evaporated in the first 100 or so pages. And that only leaves 900 to go. I had the idea to review it properly, but it's so bad, I really can't be bothered to go on.
I congratulate Susanna Clark for writing it, sticking at it and getting it published. But Bloomsbury should bury their heads. What makes me most angry is that there are many perfectly good novels sitting in drawers all over the country that will not come to the market, while this trash gets printed (and no, I'm not talking about me: I don't have one and am not likely to).
Amazing. Staggering even.
5 comments:
You google "thistle-down hair" and you get directed to jonathanstrange.com where you learn that "Susanna Clarke was born in Nottingham in 1959, the eldest daughter of a Methodist Minister. A nomadic childhood was spent in towns in Northern England and Scotland."
I hope she found food for her animals and there were no wolf attacks.
Oo, fantastic, a full-on literary trashing. Nicely done, Beep.
My rule of thumb is that if there's an adverb in the first sentence, the novel is going to be dire. I've not read Jonathan Strange and Thingy Thing. Does it have an adverb in the first sentence?
And do you usually start books at p.678?
No, I alwqys start at page 1. I have a certain gritty determination with this to finish though. However at an average of about two pages a night, and with a mere 328 pages remaining, it could well be by my bed for some time. It will be handy if I am burgled in the night.
"Some years ago there was in the city of York a society of magicians. They met upon the third Wednesday of every month and read each other long dull papers upon the history of magic"
"Some weeks a go a fool in Tescos read the blurb on the back of a book, and fell for it. He now reads to himself nightly long dull passages of prose which show lack of imagination and poor execution"
Only one of these is the real opening paragraph of said novel. You be the judge.
well, on your recommendation I finally read Kite Runner (which I'd been avoiding due to the "Fathers and Sons" blurb on the back), and I enjoyed it so much I'm now reading it again
(well, it's either that or picking on Gabriel Garcia Marquez' auto-biog again)
and I loved that other novel you recommended too
(now I want to add that I enjoy your music recommendations as well, but that thought led me too easily to the next which was...
...rather bizarrely...
...what perfume d'ya think I should wear?)
eek! did I really type up that chain of thoughts?
wow, amazing
wot does a "thistledown hair" really look like, i wonder
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